How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs About Relationships
5 Helpful Ways to Overcome Limiting Beliefs About Relationships
Limiting beliefs can truly block you from what you want in life in so many areas. In today’s post, I’m specifically talking about relationships. To be honest, up until a few months ago I was someone who had a lot of limiting beliefs about relationships. It got to a point where I thought of all the things that would lead me to being lonely forever…being vegan, being very passionate about my dogs/animal rescue/volunteering, my past baggage, and more. I decided to change my mindset because it does not do me any good to have the limiting belief mindset.
Something that recently sparked the idea of this post is the concept of “I’m damaged” or “I’m broken”. I said this about myself a month or so ago. Now I totally disagree with those statements. I am NOT damaged. I am NOT broken. Yes, I have gone through some difficult times that were heart breaking. I have felt an immeasurable amount of pain. My life became way more complicated. It’s been a crazy rollercoaster, but I am not damaged or broken. I just need to grow, learn, and work on myself.
Limiting beliefs that are internal or even external can have an impact on how you go on about your life. At a young age, we are basically trained to say and believe these statements we hear from others or tell ourselves. As we get older and experience heartbreak in relationships, we start to have limiting beliefs in that area too. I have put together a list of 5 helpful ways to overcome limiting beliefs about relationships.
Work on Self Concept
I am listing this one first for a reason. Not only can improving your self concept help you overcome limiting beliefs about relationships, but in all other areas of your life. Think of how many times you have doubted your capability or worth in a job, a hobby, and more. Not sure where to start when it comes to self concept? Lucky for you, I have an entire post dedicated to improving self concept. In a nut shell, self concept is about doing inner work to improve who you are as a person and what you think about yourself.
When you improve your self concept, you start to find confidence and self worth. You might say things like, “I’m hard to love”, “I’m not pretty enough” or “I’m always getting dumped” and so on. After serious work on your self concept, you start to believe in your worth and what you have to offer. Therefore, you are less likely to have limiting beliefs about relationships.
Look for Evidence to Support What You Want
Ever heard of the RAS (Reticular Activating System)? This is basically what makes you notice things that are relevant to what you have going on in your life. For example, you buy a new car and then you start seeing that car everywhere. Does that mean that all those people just bought that car too? Most likely not. Those cars were always out on the roads. However, now you have become more aware of that specific car so you see it and actually process it because your brain has a connection to it.
Now that you’ve had a psychology lesson, here’s the point I’m getting at in relation to this post! If you think things like…
-Love is hard.
-There are no good, available guys/girls out there.
-No one is faithful.
-So many people are breaking up.
…then your RAS will pick up on situations to support those thoughts. You will completely disregard all the couples in happy, loving, healthy, relationships. Instead, look for evidence to support what you actually want, not what you don’t want. (Guess what? I have a separate post on this concept too!)So why not say things like…
-Love is easy.
-There are plenty of amazing, available guys/girls out there.
-There are plenty of individuals who are faithful.
-Look at all of my friends and family in wonderful relationships.
Now your RAS will continue to find more scenarios to support those thoughts which in the end helps push away those limiting beliefs. I’m not saying to be unrealistic, but what good does it do us to think in a negative fashion? I can totally speak from experience as I used to have the previous mindset. You would think given my current circumstances, I would be extremely jaded. I’m not though. I do not want to have that mindset. I have made the choice to look for evidence to support what I want.
Ignore External Factors
In my recent journey to work on myself, I have noticed that ignoring external factors is one of the most challenging things. In case you weren’t already aware, I am really into the law of attraction and manifesting. One of the major concepts with LOA is you have to ignore the 3D reality. It’s not something I can explain in a few sentences, but basically you have to write a story that you want in your mind without letting the present reality around you impact your thoughts.
That isn’t too difficult if you stay away from people, but most of us cannot avoid people all the time (nor should we). I have noticed other people have put more limiting beliefs into my reality than I have myself. This just shows you that misery truly does love company. This has made me more aware about the people I converse with and how I’m responding to their limiting beliefs about relationships. I know most people don’t have ill intentions, but it’s just not helpful if you are actively trying to shift your mindset.
They may say things like:
-Men are just trash.
-That’s why I’m going to be single forever.
This also goes back to what I said at the beginning of the post about being damaged or broken. When you go through rough patches in a relationship or a break up, you may hear things like: “I’m sorry I damaged you”. So, then you start to believe it. You are literally giving someone else the power when you agree with that. Perhaps they are trying to be remorseful, so again there may not be ill intentions in that statement despite their actions. However, it’s going to feed into your limiting beliefs if you let it. If you feel that it is right, I encourage you to refute that statement in a mature way. I have and it made me feel better. In fact I even said something like, “No one has that power over me.” It was very freeing. I can feel pain, heartbreak, and other emotions without being damaged or broken. You can too. I promise.
Although it’s nearly impossible to remove external factors, you need to find a way to ignore them. I’m all about being a good listener, but if people get in this state maybe just zone out and give social cues that you’re not interested, abruptly end the conversation, or just say “I would rather talk about other things.”
Choose to be in Control
It’s important that in life we realize we cannot control a lot of things. We cannot control the weather, a pandemic happening, or what others do. However, there is a lot of power in knowing that you can be in control of YOU. You are in control of how you react to things and what you make things mean. Someone who I have really learned this from lately is Natalie Bacon. She often talks about how events are neutral and we just put meaning to them based on our thoughts or feelings. You can choose to rewrite the story and make things mean what you want.
I could sit here and make the assumption that my heartbreak is because I am not lovable or whatever other sad reason or I could make it mean something else. Perhaps it just means that other person needed to have some self growth or maybe they had their own issues to handle. It does not mean you do not take accountability for your own actions and think you are perfect, by the way! It’s more so about things that aren’t in our control, but putting the control back in our court with how we interpret these things.
You can even go as far as saying that maybe it was the universe lining you up for something better.
At the end of my shower affirmations, I say what I am grateful for in life out to the universe. I say, “Thank you for putting me on this path to get me what I truly desire. Thank you for the lessons and guidance. I am trusting in the universe to give me all that I desire because I know I deserve it.” Of course the path is a little rocky, but I am choosing (because I’m in control) to have faith that it’s the right path.
Find Fulfillment in the Present
Look, I know the single life can be lonely at times especially if you just came out of a long term relationship. It’s challenging, but I think it’s important to go through that discomfort, not avoid it. I know for some it’s easier than others. I’ve always been pretty independent when it comes to money, taking care of responsibilities, etc. Plus, I have always appreciated my alone time. However, I also appreciate the companionship that comes with a relationship so I get how it can feel difficult at times.
Instead of wishing you had someone, try to find fulfillment in the present. If you aren’t good on your own, will you really be good in a relationship? Likely not. What does this have to do with limiting beliefs in relationships? Well, if you believe that you need a relationship to feel fulfilled or complete, then you are actually hindering yourself. That idea comes from a place of desperation and lack. If you read my post about how the universe responds to your energy, you’ll understand why I think that’s a bad idea.
I do not want nor do I need someone to complete me. It actually disgusts me when people say “____ completes me.” I choose to complete myself because as long as I’m on this earth I will always have myself. I’d much rather have someone who COMPLEMENTS me and vice versa. When you say things like you just need a man or a girl to complete your life, you are creating a limiting belief. You don’t need anything to complete you except yourself.
Removing limiting beliefs about relationships and in general can really help improve your your life. I hope these tips help those of you who may have limiting beliefs about relationships and love. Best wishes! ❤️